Doctor's Office Adventures.

You guys know me by now. I like to rant a lot, and I'm sorry about that. At least I have attentive ears that listen to what I'm saying!

Last night I went to the doctors office. I am not one for the doctors offense to any doctors it's nothing personal. I just don't like the sterile smell and bone chilling air conditioning's nothing about the doctors themselves.

The comical thing is I still go to my pediatrician. Here I come romping into a pediatricians office, 19 years old, into a room filled with 1-10 year old children, four times taller than anyone in the entire building that happened to be tastefully wallpapered with zebras and giraffes. I guess they were gong for an "African Safari Chic" look or something.

I waited for close to an hour in the waiting room with snot-nosed kindergarteners (no offense kiddies) until the nice nurse called me into the room of evil where she weighed me (I gained 5 lbs since last year...shit, time for some Oxi) and grew an inch (I guess that sets off the weight? And I thought I stopped growing like a year ago...guess not.) I was given my hearing test and all the other incidental physical stuff.

Off to the private room we went. This room was a little different in motif, but just as classy with firetrucks and firemen plastered on the walls. What should I expect, I mean it is for children, right?

I waited for another hour until my cute middle aged doctor came in and patted me down, stuck her fingers in my neck, made me bend over with her standing behind me, and asked how many times I have had unprotected sex...awkward. Just when I was bracing for her to pull down my pants and do the infamous hernia test she proclaimed that she would believe me if I told her there was no problem there. I told her no problem, because lets just say I'm not used to mommas in my underwear. Phew. The air conditioning of doctor's offices does strange and embarrassing things, if you catch my drift.

Now comes the needles. I hate needles. The only time I find them acceptable is when they are found on the street, dirty or already used and are filled with foreign substances. Joking. But I do hate needles. Good thing they injected me with hepatitis, measles, mumps, rubella, tuberculosis and the flu. No wonder I feel like shit today.

The moral of the story: Don't get that many shots in one day because it will make you feel like shit the next. And don't let fondling happen in a cold room. I sure as hell wouldn't!

And I swear, next time I go into a medical facility I'm going to ask why they feel the need to emasculate men with the 34 degree F air conditioning.

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Beijos & Abracos,

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